novel by Mirika Mayo Cornelius
Ain't Quite...What I Thought
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surrounds a man she fell deeply in love with while
making love to him atop a restaurant table, and
then finding out that this loverboy isn't all that she
thought, but instead, the doodoo underneath the
grass that was supposed to be oh so green.
Caught up in the deception of her heart as well as
some little known facts about loverboy that turn
her guts to mush, Jeena quickly learns that you get
what you ask for when falling in love with a
married man!
yeah nigga, I would have announced myself loud and clear, but I thought your
ugly, ashy behind was asleep,
but see then, that would have been a bald face lie altogether so I didn’t. He
wasn’t busted and ugly. - - -
hungered young lady so lonely and loving the idea of love,
that even a sick man in a hospital tub looks like a can of cream
on a sundae.
This novel is to drop the summer of 2008, so pre-order now
and be the first to get what Jeena gets herself into...
and
it ain't quite what she thought!
AIN'T QUITE... WHAT I THOUGHT
a 2008 summer simmer of a novel by
Mirika Mayo Cornelius
Took My Innocence
However...But With A Married Man.
they closed. Andre’ was still inside. The only reason I knew that tid bit of information was that there was still one
car in the lot in one of the spots labeled management. That had to have been him. I was hoping that he would
have left, but then the devilish side of me that I hated wanted him to be there.
I sat in my small, decrepit Saturn that I’d wrecked two years ago, and I looked at myself in the mirror. I’d gotten
dressed up. Well, not too dressed up, but too much for a married man that I didn’t plan on hooking up with. Who
was I fooling? Deep down inside myself, I felt torn. I felt like I was two different persons. One I liked and the other
I wanted to toss over a bridge and kill.
My make-up was flawless. Shoot, it made me look ten times better than ever! It took me thirty minutes to do it
versus the five to ten it normally took. I believed that it was more nerves than anything that kept me in that
bathroom mirror that long rubbing it on. Had to ensure there were no smudges and spots all on my face. For the
most part, I didn’t wear foundation, but I put on a little tonight along with the powder and eye shadow. Gray eye
shadow. I loved midnight eyes at night. That part was habit, not just him. The foundation was more a him thing
which made me feel worse about having dinner with him. It made me feel like it was a sex hook up or something.
My heels weren’t so high, about three inches, and they strapped up my ankle and tied at the back. There was a
sale at the mall, so I had to grab ’em. It would have been a sin against humanity if I didn’t. Tonight was my first
time wearing them. They matched perfectly the outfit that I was about to strut. My outfit showed off my waist and
complimented my face. I loved this color on my skin. Pink. The top portion of my outfit stopped at my navel, left a
tiny lace gap, and then continued down to the floor. Not hoochie, but extremely figure complimenting.
“What else was I gonna dress like, huh, Jeena?” I spoke aloud to myself in the car, angrily. “This is Capital City.
What do you want to look ugly for anyway? Nothing at all wrong with looking good. Shoot! Get that man excited
for what he can‘t have. Maybe he‘ll love his wife more.” I exited the vehicle and bumped the car door with my butt
to make it shut. It’s what I had to do to make the door shut completely. A van tore my car up on the side.
Surprisingly, I didn’t get hurt, just very sore. The wreck…my fault, so I didn’t attempt to fix my car. My insurance
sky rocketed, and left me broke for a while, and too proud and old to get momma’s help.
By the time I reached the heavy glass door, my gut was bubbly and my heart felt like it was underneath the heel of
my shoe. It was pounding so hard that it started to hurt. What the hell? I stopped cold in my tracks. I wasn’t
gonna do it. I hadn’t had enough practice being in front of male strippers and not touching them, let alone
someone that looked like him. Barely, if at all, being able to see through the tinted glass that made up the
windows at Capital City, I attempted to turn around, but then guess who appeared at the door. Dang! Ex-nay the
Andre’!
“Don’t turn around,” he stated in the most earth shattering smooth voice I have ever heard. I must’ve been
desperate for sure. Everything about this man was brand new! It’s like I was an inmate for a couple of years. I
was in denial. We were in denial. I stood there, crooked in my stance. Frozen solid like an organ on
ice…incapable of making a sound.
“Come on in.” He had to repeat himself because I was dumbfounded at the sight of him…us…about to be locked
up in here together. Did I mention alone?
As he held the door open, I waltzed inside. I felt his eyes follow my hair down to my shoulders, and wherever else
his eyes went, I didn’t know because my cell phone began to vibrate. I felt it up against my ribs and my arm as I
held my purse between the two. I panicked, but didn’t answer it. I didn’t even know why I panicked, but I did.
Calm down, Jeena. Do it now, I preached to my brain.
“What’s wrong?”
I didn’t notice that I’d stopped dead center of the huge red circular design on the polished marble floor, and
Andre’ was standing directly behind me waiting on me to move. I was blocking his way. “I’m sorry. Excuse
me. My cell phone,” I glanced down at my purse that I was, a that point, squeezing the life from. “It vibrated. Kind
of startled me.”
That’s when he placed his hands around my waist, and moved to the side of me.
“It’s just dinner, Jeena.”
And he can cut that accent out, too! First it’s southern and then it’s foreign. Come on now!
“Okay…” I decided to loosen up. “If it’s just dinner, you can stop with the succulent accent.”
“You like that?” he asked with a light grin as he walked to the table where he had our meal prepared.
“It’s alright, but fake,” I taunted.
“Fake, huh? My pops is from Barbados and my mom from California, born in Georgia. Can’t be too fake. I can
switch it on and off. I can sound like this, too,” he stated, changing back to the southern.
Damn again.
“I thought it sounded too good.” I smiled, attempting not to allow my embarrassment to show through. So much
for trying to impress me. He wasn’t. It was something he was born with…but what did I even care? His married
self. “So, what do you have for us tonight, Andre’?”
“I had the chefs make us some down home food. You know that good stuff momma used to make.”
I didn’t know about my momma. Ha! Poor momma…she couldn’t cook a lick! Her spaghetti tasted like lasagna
and her chicken like turkey. It was good though, but you had to look at what you were eating literally or you would
think it was something else. I still love myself some of my momma though.
He continued talking while he reached from behind me to uncover my plate. As I sat down in the chair that he so
kindly let out for me, I thought to myself, Mrs. wife Tina has herself a gentleman. Then, I checked him out as he
came around still talking about the food. Who cared about the food? I already saw what it was…some collard
greens, macaroni and cheese, and not fried, but grilled chicken with a side roll. In spite of the big fact that he
wasn’t my man, I still caught a nice, elaborate glance at his get up. Nice silk shirt with brown slacks. Once again,
just like the other night, his shirt danced on his ripples. I darted my eyes away again with slight hopes that they
would fall out and roll across the table to see Andre’s reaction to them rolling. Bet this dinner would be over then,
I thought.
“The only things I didn’t get are the drinks. What would you like?” he asked me while he rubbed his hands
together like he was the one who cooked the meal.
“What sounds good?”
“How about some…do you want some…” he contemplated.
Not alcohol. Anything but alcohol!
“Water!” I blurted out after thinking about it for those three seconds he was fumbling over his words. Afterwards,
he stared at me strangely, but I cared less. The last thing I needed to gulp was some alcohol. Water purges your
system, and that’s what I needed then, something that would purge me. Make me clean. Make me whole. Make
me sane!
“Be back.” He marched off.
As I sat there, stiff as an ironing board, I watched through the windows as people walked by. There I was.
Then, I began to second guess the windows. Could they see me if they got close enough? I could see them. I
mean, I went to eat at Capital City many times, and I never was able to see inside, but tonight, I was paranoid to
the extreme. I was meeting a married man for dinner in his freaking restaurant, and there wasn’t a curtain hang
ing!
I gazed back at the restaurant’s entrance. Jeena, it would be so easy if you just got yourself up from here and
left, I thought. Do you even know if you can handle this? Before I could finish planning my next move, Andre’ was
walking back with the drinks. My throat was numb. Never in my life had I been that nervous. I don’t even think it
was because he was married…as that should have been all the reason to make me back off… but it was more
some sick sense I didn’t understand all too well because I never felt it before.
“Thank you…” I paused. “Andre’.” Uh oh, I choked. I didn’t know why I choked up and paused, but I did, and he
noticed. I knew he noticed based off of the slightly and nearly invisible grin he tried to hide.
As I tried to take my glass of water from his hand, my fingers stroked his, and he held onto the glass.
“It’s alright. Just dinner.”
I took a deep breath and breathed out…through my nose. Didn’t want him to notice more than what he already
had about my hesitations. Hesitations…I knew to the viewer it could mean only one of two things when it was
pertaining to me and the reason for this particular hesitation was lying…to myself. I was too attracted to him, and I
wanted him for myself. I got myself together and fast.
“This looks nice, Andre’. Very nice. So, how long have you been working here? I never saw you before in here,
and I come here about every two, three months.”
“I moved. Me and Tina. I transferred from the only other Capital City there is, but I‘ve been living here for a good
while now.” He sat down.
“Where’s that…I mean, the only other Capital City?”
“Chicago.”
“Chicago?”
“Yeah, got sick of the snow and cold. Needed to get down here to Miami where it’s hot.”
“Chicago.” I didn’t know what else to say. My dumb behind sounded like a broken record on a dusty record
player. Finally, I just shut up.
“Are you from here?” he asked.
“Yes…kind of. Orlando,” I responded dryly. I took a sip of my water. “I grew up there, but born in a town just
outside of it.”
I finally lifted my fork and began to eat. My first stop was the collard greens. That was my thing. I loved them
probably since my momma’s womb, and I’ll probably be buried with ’em. Even though I liked mine hot and spicy,
these mild ones would do.
“Where exactly were you born?” I asked.
He began to eat on his macaroni. “”I was born in South Carolina. Columbia.”
“Why did you leave?”
“Momma was visiting family when she gave birth. After she was finished with pushing me out, I guess we left.”
“Funny.”
“True.”
“Is your wife from Columbia?” Just thought I would toss that on over in there next to his chicken. Make him choke
on a bone.
“No, near Chicago. It’s a city about an hour away from…” In an instant, he stopped talking and looked at me a bit
softer than he was when he was talking.
Man, what the hell? I quit chewing. It felt funny. Somebody staring at you while you eat that you barely know.
Was this how he felt when I was gawking at him in the tub? Immediately, there I was having a blanket of paranoia
engulf me, so I freaked out. I grabbed my napkin and wiped my lips to make sure there was nothing on them, and
ran my tongue over the fronts of my teeth to be sure nothing was sticking there. He kept staring, so I finally asked.
“Why are you looking at me, Andre’?”
“You have a beautiful face.”
Oh hell no. Make-up, baby, just make-up. Got acne all on this forehead here, honey.
“Not like the face your wife has.” Instantly, I felt like I was in a storybook except I wasn’t the author. He wasn’t
going to write me into this story if I had the strength to stop it. That’s right, Jeena, keep bringing up the wife, I told
myself.
“She’s beautiful as well.” He began to chew on the chicken he handled in his hand. “Are you as beautiful as she
is inside and out?”
What type of insanity was that? Was he now comparing me to his wife? I didn’t know his wife! She should have
been kicking my you know what up and down this side of the earth, but hallelujah she wasn’t.
“What do you mean? I don’t even know your wife.” Gulp went the water down my throat. I wasn’t gonna get on
his wife in a bad way. Not me. No way. And I wasn’t gonna play into this fake man made competition that he
wanted me to fall into. Andre’ was slick but not that slick. He would have to wake up early in the morning to shade
my eyes.
“I mean, do you have a sense of self?” he asked…nonchalantly at that!
“Say what?” I know this joker wasn’t making a sly attempt to pry into my person and ease drop on my secrets. My
eyebrows curled up and my brown nose tilted up in the air like I was above that question. Contrary to whatever I
was thinking, however, that was a good question he posed. His wife was wonderful inside and out from what I
could tell. It emanated from her, and she wasn‘t me. Was I seriously that wonderful? I was fantasizing about
getting busy with what was hers! Suddenly, like a rush of wind busting me in the face from the wrong direction, I
felt like this was getting to be a game, so I decided to play back…and win. He wanted me to rate myself for him,
didn’t he? I didn’t know why I felt like gaming, but I needed control of myself back, especially before I lose my cool
and give it up to him. Really, I needed to make a bumper sticker saying lust kills and don‘t try this at home. I
thought I could handle this tease I was gonna throw on him, so I made my move. Rule number one, I thought, was
never lose control of the conversation. I wasn’t going to tonight.
I lifted my right leg and placed it on my other, my toes showing from underneath the table and its cloth while I
grazed up against his leg.
“Andre’, I have plenty sense of self. How about you?”
“Yeah,” he responded wiping his mouth with the golden colored napkin, then tossing it down on the table. Then,
he leaned back. “I have enough sense of myself to know the things that I want, the things that I like, and the
things that I hold in high esteem…untouchable. They are all different to me, and I know the difference. What do
you do when you want something, Jeena? Do you know the difference or is there a difference?”
Who sat back on a clear blue day and thought about stuff like that? “Andre’,” I couldn’t take it anymore. I lost.
What was that two seconds in the ring, and the bout was over. He began to stare me up and down, and I could
feel my eyes. They weren‘t just focused on his lips, but his hands, chest…shoot, his body. I moved my toes away
from grazing his leg immediately. “I’m gone.” I got up from the table, grabbed some mints off the table, popped
them in my mouth and headed for the door. Fast. I figured, hey, these mints will hold me as hungry as I was.
Keep my sugar up so I won’t pass out. Too much stress.
On my way to my exiting destination, I heard the sound of Andre’s footsteps behind me, and I pictured his body.
Muscles beneath the clothes. Everything that I imagined from the images I retrieved from my memory banks of
him in that tub of water. I even began to see myself on top of him in that darn hospital tub with my own clothes
off…us both dripping wet! My hormones just wouldn’t stop. The more I tried to stop them, the less I wanted to. It
was becoming too much. The people in the street were walking back and forth, some waiting on cabs, some
across the street at the hotels, and others just enjoying the night. I saw all of this as I peered through the glass
windows and reached for the handle on the door. Suddenly, his hand landed firmly on top of mine. The more I
pulled, the more he held. Terror began to rip through my skin, and my heart began to flutter at the same time.
That dog-on door wasn’t gonna come open. I didn’t know whether to fear or let go, but I knew that my mind couldn’
t choose. He chose for me.
Andre’s arm…his hand…his fingertips gently glided across my belly button, and my stomach tightened. He wasn’t
even tugging on me to keep me with him, but it still felt as if he was. I had never been held in place before with a
touch as soft and simple as that, but there I was, stuck in my stance. I slowly began to breathe, his hand still
barely around my waist, but enough for me to feel the heat from his palm. I didn’t turn around. His hand that he
had placed on my hand while I held the knob to the door, he slid off slowly, bringing my hand with his. Then, I felt
as he caressed his whole body closer to mine and whispered in my ear.
“Don’t go, Jeena.”
His voice almost quivered in my ear. Just the tone of it made me want to comfort him…shoot, and myself for that
matter!
“Jeena,” he stated softly to me again. His breath on my neck made my toes curl and a freaking chill drip down my
spine. I almost jerked. “Jeena,” he repeated once more, and then, he grazed his lips across my shoulder near my
dress’ strap. It falls off of my shoulder. As I reached up to push it back up, his lips kiss my fingertips…all the way
down to my wrist and moving up my arm.
Quickly, not realizing what I was getting ready to do, I turned and faced him. As soon as my eyes met his, I looked
down, fast, not my head, but only my eyes. I wanted to speak, but I couldn’t even get my lips to part.
“Will you stay?” he asked quietly, leaning his head down. He was trying to look into my eyes. He was taller than
me, so he had to lean over a bit.
Even though the fact was that I heard his question, I wasn’t going to answer, however. I knew what he wanted,
and I also knew what I wanted. We matched. Like bees to flowers, I felt I needed to feed off of him. Like
everything I needed, he was my source. He read my mind, so without my answer to his question, he continued to
lean over and attempted to kiss my lips. I looked to my left, through the window. People everywhere.
“Don’t worry about them. They can’t see us.”
“Andre’,” I spoke, but then he interrupted.
“Jeena.”
That was it. His lips met mine, and my eyes went shut. Our first kiss. My first kiss…
To a Married Man.
Read the rest inside the book!